Dear Annie: I am the person everyone in my family calls when they need something. I babysit, drive relatives to appointments, host holidays and lend money when someone is in a bind. I rarely complain because I love my family and want to be helpful.

A few weeks ago, my sister called me in a panic because her babysitter canceled before an important work dinner. I had already made plans with a friend, but I canceled them and drove 40 minutes to watch her children. I stayed until nearly midnight and even cleaned up the kitchen before I left.

Not long afterward, I had a medical procedure and needed someone to drive me home. When I asked my sister, she said she had too much going on and suggested I call a car service. Two days later, she asked if I could babysit again so she and her husband could go out to dinner.

That moment really hurt. I realized that my family may not see me as a person with needs of my own. They see me as the reliable one who will always say yes.

I have started turning down a few requests, and now everyone says I am acting selfish and “not like myself.” I do not want to become bitter or damage my relationships, but I am exhausted from always being the giver.

How do I set boundaries without feeling guilty, and how can I tell whether my family truly values me or simply values what I do for them? — Tired of Being a Safety Net

Dear Tired: Your family may love you, but they have become so used to your always being there that they have stopped noticing how much they ask of you.

Start saying yes only when you truly want to. People will treat you exactly how you let them. If they think you are a pushover, they will keep pushing. It’s up to you to set boundaries.

Many people, especially those who have spent years caring for others, feel guilty the first time they say no. They worry they are disappointing people or letting someone down. But healthy boundaries are not walls; they are guidelines that protect your well-being.

Your sister may call you selfish because your new boundaries are inconvenient for her. That does not make you selfish. It makes you tired of being taken for granted. Any discomfort that your new boundaries cause your sister is not a sign that you are doing something wrong. It is a sign that an unhealthy pattern is finally changing.

You are not becoming bitter. You are learning that kindness should be given freely, not squeezed out by guilt. Give your family a chance to adjust to the new you. Anyone who truly loves you will learn that your heart is generous, but your time is not theirs to spend.

“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged — because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.