Trending
Dear Annie
By Annie Lane
Dear Annie: I'm 62 years old, and lately I've noticed something about my adult children that breaks my heart. They seem to have time for everyone but me.
I have two daughters, ages 32 and 35, both married with children. I know they're busy, and I try to respect that. But I'm always the one calling, suggesting dinner or asking when I can see the grandchildren.
Last month, I invited everyone over for Sunday dinner. I spent the afternoon cooking their favorite meals, only to have both daughters cancel at the last minute. That same evening, I saw pictures on social media of one daughter out with friends and the other at her in-laws' house. I was hurt, but I didn't say anything. I don't want to be the mom who makes her children feel guilty for having their own lives.
My husband tells me to stop trying so hard and let them come to us. But I worry that if I stop reaching out, the phone will simply stop ringing.
I raised my daughters to be independent, and I'm proud of the women they've become. I just never imagined that independence would mean feeling so unimportant in their lives.
Annie, how do I tell my children I miss them without making them feel obligated to spend time with me? -- Mom Who Misses Being Needed
Dear Mom Who Misses Being Needed: Tell your daughters you miss them, without guilt or blame. They may be so caught up in their lives that they don't realize how much their absence hurts. In the meantime, don't sit by the phone waiting for it to ring. Fill your days with friends, hobbies and things that bring you joy.
Your daughters may not need you the way they once did, but that doesn't mean they don't love you. Sometimes children just need a gentle reminder that Mom needs a little love and attention, too.
Dear Annie: I've worked at the same company for almost 12 years, and until recently, I genuinely loved my job. I take pride in my work and have always received excellent performance reviews. But two years ago, we got a new manager, and going to work has become something I dread.
My boss has a favorite employee who can apparently do no wrong. She arrives late, takes long lunches and somehow gets credit for projects the rest of us complete. Meanwhile, those of us who actually do the work are constantly criticized.
What bothers me even more is the gossip. My boss regularly makes unkind comments about employees behind their backs, including personal details about their marriages, finances and even their appearances. If you don't join in, you're treated like an outsider.
Last month, I spent three weeks preparing a presentation for an important client. During the meeting, my boss interrupted me several times, corrected me in front of everyone and then praised her favorite employee for the project's success. I was so embarrassed I could barely speak.
The next morning, I calmly explained to her privately that I felt undermined during the meeting. She laughed and said, "You're being too sensitive. You need to learn to take a joke."
Annie, I know the difference between a joke and humiliation. Several coworkers feel the same way, but everyone is afraid to complain because we need our jobs.
I hate the thought of leaving a company I've devoted so many years to because of one person.
Should I speak up and risk making myself a target, or keep my head down and accept that this is just how some workplaces operate? -- Dreading Monday Mornings
Dear Dreading: Your boss's behavior says far more about her character than your worth.
Start documenting incidents and consider speaking with human resources. Stay out of the office gossip, and don't be afraid to look for another job in a less toxic environment.