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Dear Annie
By Annie Lane
Dear Annie: Two members of my extended family have ADHD. One is receiving counseling and medication year-round and is doing very well. My grandson, however, is being treated quite differently.
He takes medication for ADHD, but as far as I know, he is not receiving counseling or much help understanding what ADHD actually means. What worries me most is that he has started to think he is "stupid," which breaks my heart.
I am a retired teacher and spent years tutoring children and adults with dyslexia. From what I have observed, I wonder whether my grandson may also have dyslexia, especially because he struggles with reading, but I don't believe he has ever been evaluated for it.
The difficulty is that my daughter becomes very defensive whenever I bring up my concerns. His other grandparents also had a challenging time with him this summer when he was taken off his ADHD medication, something the family apparently does each year.
I understand that his psychiatric nurse practitioner evaluates him and manages his medication, but I can't help feeling that counseling and a better understanding of ADHD could help his confidence and emotional well-being, too.
How can I encourage my daughter to consider additional support or testing for my grandson without overstepping my role as his grandmother? -- Concerned Grandma
Dear Concerned Grandma: A child who thinks he is stupid needs help building confidence, not just managing symptoms. Suggest testing for dyslexia and counseling, but tread lightly with your daughter. Grandmothers can be wise, but parents don't always enjoy being reminded of it.
Dear Annie: I have a close friend whom I truly care about, and we have been friends for years. We have shared vacations, family milestones, birthdays and plenty of late-night phone calls. But lately I'm starting to feel like our friendship only works when it is convenient for her.
She calls when she needs advice, wants a favor, is upset with her husband or is having a problem with one of her children. I always listen and try to be supportive. But when I need the same thing, she often seems distracted, checks her phone or quickly turns the conversation back to something happening in her life.
Recently, I had a difficult week at work and was also worried about a family member. I finally opened up to her over lunch, and within a few minutes we were talking about an argument she had with her neighbor. I went home feeling strangely lonely.
I don't want to keep score in a friendship, and I know everyone goes through periods when they need more support. But this has become a pattern. I'm beginning to feel more like her unpaid therapist than her friend.
Should I tell her how I feel or quietly stop putting so much energy into a friendship that no longer feels very mutual? -- Tired of Being the Listener
Dear Tired: You should say something. She probably has no idea that she's doing it, and a long friendship is worth one honest conversation.
Tell her gently that lately you've been feeling more like the listener than the friend. You don't need a speech or a list of examples. Just be kind and clear. If she cares about your friendship, she will appreciate that you told her.
"Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness" is out now! Annie Lane's third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged — because forgiveness isn't for them. It's for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information.