Dear members of Congress:

I write today with heartfelt admiration for our esteemed members of Congress. It takes courage to hand over your constitutional powers to the Executive Branch with such enthusiasm. Why bother with Article 1 when you can simply outsource your job and still collect a paycheck? Inspirational.

One must applaud Congress for recognizing that checks and balances are so … old fashioned in a world filled with streaming services and self-driving cars, who has time for something as outdated as Legislative responsibility? The founders clearly did not anticipate how exhausting that governing can be.

And who can blame them? Passing laws, debating policy, exercising oversight. Thankfully, Congress discovered the eloquent solution, transfer authority to the Executive branch and call it “efficiency.” Brilliant.

Why maintain the separation of powers when you can enjoy a vacation from accountability?

Of course, some cynics may whine about democracy, constitutional duties, or the inconvenience of elected representatives actually representing the people. But truly, must we cling to such antiquated concepts? If Congress wants to transform itself into a glorified suggestion box, why stand in the way of progress?

So, here’s to Congress — champions of convenience, pioneers of political outsourcing, and shining examples of how to hold office without exercising it. May their dedication to not doing their job inspire future generations of leaders who wish to avoid responsibility.

Incidentally, how nice would it be to have Congressman John Joyce have an actual, in-person town hall meeting with his constituents?

Sincerely, a concerned citizen.

Michael J. Stubler

Altoona