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Lifetimes of love

Area couples recount decadeslong relationships, celebrate Valentine’s Day

By Patt Keith 7 min read

When it comes to love this Valentine's Day, who better to ask for relationship advice than a trio of long-married couples: Harry and Charlotte Conzo of Dysart, Michael Thomas "Tom" and Alfretta Starzecky of Tyrone and Alois "Al" and Mary Poppenwimer of the Bellwood area.

Combined, the couples have been married for 207 years.

The Conzos are the "newlyweds" having celebrated their 65th wedding anniversary Jan. 11. The Starzeckys marked 71 years on Jan. 8. The Poppenwimers will celebrate 72 years on July 7.

While their journeys through life have been different, the couples share similar values of faith, commitment, communication and compromise.

"You have to love each other, and you have to work at the marriage," advised Charlotte (Gregg) Conzo, 85. "Sometimes you give in and other times they give in."

Mary (Shingler) Poppenwimer, 88, said her husband tells people the three key phrases to a happy marriage are: "Yes, dear. Whatever you want dear and whatever you say."

Humor has also helped the Starzeckys.

"You have to have a good sense of humor with each other," Alfretta Starzecky, 93, agreed. The two frequently smiled and laughed as they talked, even as they disagreed on how they first met.

"You try to depend on each other, and you try to do things together," said Tom Starzecky, 92. Alfretta agreed and added, "We both like the same things. We don't do anything unless we both do them together."

But it wasn't always so, as Alfretta initially rebuffed Tom. The pair didn't date seriously until later in high school. They married in 1952.

"We got married one day and the next day went back to my base in Illinois," Tom Starzecky said. He was sent overseas a year later and their daughter Gay was nearly 1 year old before Tom returned stateside. After leaving the service in 1955, Tom worked for Verizon in Tyrone for 37 years.

The Poppenwimers met while roller skating at Bland's Park and the Conzos met through a church activity at Buckhorn Bible Church.

Al was born in Blair County, but his family moved to Brooklyn, N.Y., where he graduated high school. He returned for a visit when he met his future bride, Alfretta McCracken. The two corresponded while Tom served in the Marines and they married three years after meeting.

The Conzos also had a three-year courtship. They met in 1955 at a gathering for young people at Buckhorn Bible Church, where Charlotte attended.

"He was such a nice, kind person," Charlotte recalled of what attracted her to Harry.

They married in 1958 before Harry was drafted into the Army and Charlotte was six months away from finishing her nursing training.

"I was training to be a nurse at the Altoona Hospital School of Nursing," Charlotte, 85, said. "At that time, you weren't allowed to get married until your last six months."

So, once eligible and with a weekend off, they and their church pastor and his wife drove to Winchester, Va.

During Harry's service in Korea, they wrote to each other daily even though it took a letter two weeks to traverse the distance.

Upon his return, Harry worked for Sealtest Milk and Ice Cream and the couple started their family, having four children in four years. They'd just built their Dysart home when Sealtest moved its operations to Pittsburgh so Harry risked finding another employer.

"I was looking for anything and saw Bell of Pennsylvania was having a testing day. There were 420 people there. After taking the test, they called 10 of us back. I was one of two they hired."

He worked as a service technician in the Cresson, Gallitzin and Lilly areas until his retirement in 1995. Charlotte worked part-time as a registered nurse for several years.

Harry, 87, said marriage "takes work" and some couples give up too easily. They credit their shared faith for their successful union. They are members of Foot of Ten Independent Baptist Church in Duncansville. Harry volunteers at the associated Blair County Christian School.

"We both have a love of Jesus," Charlotte said. "The Lord has been with us all these years. We've trusted the Lord through all of it."

The Starzeckys have been members of Christ United Methodist Church in Tyrone for 50-plus years, while the Poppenwimers are parishioners at St. Joseph Catholic Church in Bellwood.

"We were active parents," Mary Poppenwimer said, participating in the parish, sports, scouting and school events at Bellwood-Antis, where their seven children attended.

The families also traveled and took family vacations.

The Conzos enjoyed camping in a travel trailer when their four children were growing up. Now, they take day trips to visit their children and grandchildren when they're camping. They have 11 grandchildren and 12 great-grandchildren.

Travel also made fun memories for the Poppenwimers. Al worked for Bell of Pennsylvania as a communications technician for 33 years. When the job moved to Pittsburgh, he opted for early retirement at age 57. The two traveled together out West, took cruises and traveled to Germany and Hawaii.

Mary still enjoys going out West to visit the children who live in that area and has a cruise planned for May. Al, 91, no longer travels due to his health, but Mary goes with a light heart knowing he's well cared for by their daughter, Ruth Ann, and her husband, Russ. The couples combined households several years ago.

The Poppenwimers raised seven children and have 25 grandchildren and 23 great-grandchildren. A calendar with family photos and important dates helps Mary send cards and notes to acknowledge birthdays and milestones. The family shares a video-conference call each Sunday evening and has biennial family reunions.

When it came to raising children and household organization, the couples shared responsibilities.

For instance, Alfretta Starzecky said she was a disciplinarian.

"I did that. He never did. He did once but he got a little bit too rash about it, so I told him I was going to do it from then on," she said.

When it came to financial matters, Alfretta said, Tom handled them. And, they both laughed. Asked to explain, she said, "We never had any money. He was the only one working and we had three kids."

She handled the grocery shopping.

"I made sure we always had our treats at night. We'd have popcorn, potato chips and pretzels. We liked to watch television and enjoy a treat," she said.

All three couples said they've supported one another through the deaths of family members, crises, illnesses and the infirmities aging brings.

The Poppenwimers’ eldest child, Barbara, died in 2014 at age 61.

Tragedy struck the Starzecky family when their eldest son, Michael Thomas Jr., died at age 17. While riding his bicycle; he struck a pothole. He was thrown off and into the path of a vehicle. The devastated parents remained strong together, but coped differently, Alfretta said. She focused on parenting their youngest, Patrick, who was then 7, while Tom channeled his grief into rebuilding the back porch.

Money issues are often a point of contention in relationships, but these couples said having shared finances and goals proved beneficial.

Mary Poppenwimer characterized Al as the "saver" in the family and herself as the spender.

It's what led to the only argument they could recall.

A traveling salesman sold Mary some encyclopedia-type books after claiming they were endorsed by their parish priest.

"He was so mad he went out and hoed the garden," she said. "He was really mad because money was so tight."

Al called their priest and found out the endorsement was bogus and was able to cancel the sale.

When the Starzeckys were asked if they disagreed, Alfretta said, "Plenty of times." As she laughed, her husband quickly countered, "I don't remember any big disagreements," and the two laughed some more.

This Valentine's Day, the three couples said they will celebrate quietly with a special homemade dinner or dinner out.

"It's just another day," said Al and Mary in unison.

"We're just happy to be here together," Mary said, adding "I would do it all over again."

"I would too, Mary," Al responded. "It's been a big adventure."

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