Eager to lighten Santa’s load this Christmas, but lacking access to a sleigh and reindeer, this handy vehicle is a satisfactory substitute for the disbursement of a few stocking stuffers across the athletic plains:

n Great debate surrounded what to give Travis Kelce, a guy who seemingly has everything. How about the good sense not to embarrass yourself at the Super Bowl by bumping your head coach off balance during a sideline meltdown for all the world to see?

n Perpetually athletic-appareled VP for Intercollegiate Athletics Pat Kraft is gifted the honorary title of assistant coach for all Penn State sports, so that he will possess a semi-legitimate reason for positioning himself within arms-reach of the head coach at athletic events.

n To college basketball coaches across the land, you can expect to receive the fortitude to avoid griping about every single call and non-call during competition. Believe it or not, the refs are just as capable of tuning you out as your players.

n With the second-highest payroll in baseball, the two-time defending World Series champion Los Angeles Dodgers certainly aren’t lacking in financial resources, so in lieu of gift cards, rub-off lottery tickets and cash gifts, the organization will be equipped with the tolerance needed to block the century-long shadow cast by the Yankees.

n Notre Dame athletic director Pete Bevacqua will be receiving a crying towel to soak in the tears caused by the College Football Playoff selection committee’s snub of the Fighting Irish. Instead of blaming everyone except Mrs. Claus for Notre Dame being left out of the field, Bevacqua is advised to spend time searching for a permanent home for his orphan football team. If the British Royal family can adapt to the realities of the 21st century, so can Notre Dame.

n As a precaution against inadvertently displaying an obscene gesture to fans, Santa’s elves knitted a pair of mittens for Cowboys owner Jerry Jones to wear during all games.

n Finally, a special stop on the delivery route is designated for presentation of the Spirit of Christmas Award to Florida Atlantic’s football program. In 12 games this past season, the Owls turned the ball over an FBS-worst 29 times on nine fumbles and 20 interceptions.With six interceptions in the opener at Maryland, it appears Florida Atlantic (4-8) was in a giving mood since August.

n With the new year fast approaching, it seems only right to accept double duty and disseminate a few good wishes throughout the sports community.

n To new Penn State head football coach Matt Campbell, a debut season that portends the development of a program that everyone will hail as elite.

n To the United States FIFA World Cup team, an acceleration of the momentum that propelled the team to a five-match unbeaten streak against World Cup qualifiers this past fall.

n To Cy Young Award winner Paul Skenes, a season of accomplishment by the Pirates that complements his talent, loyalty and, most impressively, tact.

n For travel logistics wizard Duane Bordell, a year’s worth of sellouts for sports-oriented tours that invigorate the spirit, expand the mind, and gladden the heart.

n Like Clark Griswold’s company bonus of a Jelly-of-the-Month-Club membership, sports is the gift that keeps on giving the whole year.

n Throughout 2026, may you find joy in the triumphs of your favorite teams, consolation in the setbacks and gratification in an emotional commitment that only a true fan makes.

Jim Caltagirone writes a monthly column for the Mirror.