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A good friend of mine from high school told me that I am an 80-year-old woman trapped in the body of a 58-year old man. She also said it in front of my wife … who laughed and agreed.
Gigi, my friend, says that because of her affection for me. My wife also laughed and agreed because of her affection for me, too. That's a lot of affection, but I'm not offended. They're right.
My friend is a travel agent who has done a wonderful job sending my wife and daughter places, and yes, they did return healthy and alive, but that was mostly because I was back here at home praying like crazy for them when they left.
My sons and other daughter have been on planes, cruises and long road trips and again, have returned intact. I feel like my relationship with God has really grown because of how much we talk now, with me always praying for their well-being and him basically telling me, "I got you on this one." So you see, my fear has brought me closer to the Lord.
I am afraid of some things but not everything. I can drive to a Pirates game or a Steelers game. No problem. But to the Pittsburgh airport? No way. That road is dangerous. Those people drive like they're auditioning for one of those "Fast & The Furious" movies.
My mother was afraid of some things into her 80s, but you know what she wasn't afraid of … getting an MRI. She did it every time it was needed. I admired her.
Me … I am claustrophobic and absolutely hate them to the point that the medical people involved have to drop an anvil on me straight out of a roadrunner cartoon to get me to calm down.
This all leads me to wanting to share my first bucket list now that I am growing older. It's only at two items, but I feel less is more at this time in my life, and what's nicer is I really don't have to travel to achieve them.
The first thing is I want to be on a billboard. I'd love to be up there with my family, smiling, laughing, promoting something, but I'm not sure they'd be up for that.
I used to be at the Logan Valley Mall, in cutout form with my kids, promoting my column. That is not there anymore, but fear not, because that cutout is in my dining room at home.
Of course, my wife has it behind our china cabinet, but I can see it there. I know it's there. She's just waiting for the right time to put it out.
It would be nice if the Mirror would put me up on one to promote our paper. Heck, you could plaster my face on a bus or on the side of a van. I'm not picky, I want to be plastered high above either Pleasant Valley Boulevard or I-99 heading up to Cresson. It doesn't have to be about money either. Put me up promoting animal adoption or even downtown Hollidaysburg, which I absolutely love. (Are you listening, Melanie Ramsey?)
Secondly, I want to be on a menu item at a restaurant somewhere in Blair County.
Recently, the Mrs. and I were at Irvin's on Main and one of their Italian dishes was called the "Showalter Stuffer," which is spaghetti, lasagna and chicken parmesan. It's named after a guy I know who is married to one of my wife's best friends. They were in each other's weddings. You get a salad and a breadstick, too. I'd be happy just to have a slice of pizza named after me.
Now, the problem is finding a place that could use me because we eat at so many different places in central Pennsylvania, but I have to admit, I love the meatballs at Mama Randazzo's, and the sandwiches at the Argonne Cafe and Zmac's Riverside Pub are really good. Jack & George's has great shrimp tacos, too.
Someone joked that the Spruce Creek Tavern incident -- involving me and the wife back in February -- could advertise a "Grab-n-Go" sandwich platter named after me.
So be it.
When it comes to the Mirror, my mother once told me that there is no such thing as bad publicity unless you are in the obituary page. I would kill for that kind of sage advice to give to my kids someday.
Mirror Sports Writer Scott Franco writes a monthly
column for the Mirror.