Program helps children dealing with loss of guardians
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More than 200,000 children -- or about 1 in 450 -- have lost a caregiver to COVID-19, according to recently updated statistics provided by the COVID Collaborative.
That reality has been felt locally as counselors work to help children of all ages deal with the death of a loved one.
"Over the past several months, almost every other call has been related to a COVID-19 death," said Melody Ray, coordinator of the local Healing Patch Children's Grief Program, in a press release.
The free program promotes healthy coping skills so children and their families can navigate the grieving process through activities and group meetings with others going through similar situations.
Regular group meetings are held from 6 to 8 p.m. every other Tuesday, September through May, and each session kicks off with participants eating a meal together before children break into age groups. The groups offer a chance for children to talk with others their own age who are going through the same feelings, organizers said.
"We really dive into loss with stories and activities based on feelings," said volunteer coordinator and grief specialist Shalen Steinbugl. "We get into all different feelings kids experience, and no feeling is right or wrong."
Children talk and share stories, Steinbugl said, and by being with others having a similar experience, they know they're not alone.
"We talk a lot about changes," she said, noting that changes related to a death can be hard for a child to work through.
With centers in Altoona and Ebensburg, the program has been in high demand amid the ongoing pandemic, leaders said, adding that the Healing Patch has supported more than 20 families dealing with a COVID-19 death, most of which occurred since November 2021.
"Grief is something that is kind of a dark place," said volunteer Joe Bilka. "People become isolated, and they're angry."
Volunteers are on hand to facilitate conversations and are there to "hold their hand as they go through this," Bilka said of navigating through grief.
An increased number of older children and teens are seeking support. Trends locally and nationally show this group being impacted at a higher rate by caregiver loss to COVID-19.
According to a news release, teens were previously the hardest age group to engage in a peer support group, and now there is a waiting list for enrollment in the Teen or Tween/Teen rooms at both centers.
"Although we've all suffered loss and disappointments over the last two years, the death of a primary caregiver far outweighs all other types of losses," Steinbugl said in a news release. "Someday, hopefully, 'normalcy' will return, but these kids' parents/caregivers won't be here to see it."
Steinbugl hopes through the program that kids realize they are not alone and that they make lifelong connections with other kids who lost a parent or caregiver far too soon.
During a recent activity, children drew a target on a bedsheet. Within the target's circles, they wrote all the things that anger them, such as losing a loved one, not getting to say goodbye, fighting with siblings, doing homework and more. One of the children who lost a parent to COVID-19 wrote COVID on the target, Steinbugl said in the release.
"When it came time to throw bean bags at the target to release some of their frustration and anger, that particular student, along with others who also lost a parent to COVID-19, aimed heavily at the word," she said.
The activity led to a discussion about how it felt good to let out anger in a healthy way and participants talked about other positive ways in which they could release their anger, she said.
"It helps them when they talk to other people who feel the same thing," Bilka said.
The target on a bedsheet activity was one facilitated by Steinbugl in a "Patch Club," in-school grief support groups offered to schools as local school counselors in Blair, Bedford and Cambria counties have noted more primary caregiver deaths affecting their students.
Putting participants in an environment where they realize they aren't alone is critical to the healing process, Steinbugl said.
"The biggest thing is making sure children and families know they're not alone and helping them know that healing is possible," she said. "With recent times with COVID and everyone being isolated, it's difficult to know you're not alone."
Heidi Manfred, Bilka's friend and a psychology professor at Penn State Altoona, said there are three realms of grief.
Manfred, who specialized in grief counseling during her career as a clinical psychologist, said the first is a situation where somebody has a terminal illness.
"How do you work through, as a child, a parent's diagnosis of a terminal illness? There's what's called anticipatory grieving; when you have a terminal diagnosis, you know somebody is going to die, so you actually start to have those emotions and behaviors and reactions of grief before that person dies," she said.
The second area is death by natural causes or old age.
The third realm is those situations where a death wasn't expected, Manfred said.
This third type of grief is the hardest to experience, she said, noting that losing a loved one to COVID-19 could fall into that category, as people die of it relatively suddenly, within weeks of contracting the illness.
"Those are the ones that hit the hardest for everybody, especially children," Manfred said. "The world suddenly doesn't make sense to you. There are those situations that rock you to the core."
According to Steinbugl, the program approaches that third type of grief in much the same way it would any other loss.
"As far as services go, we don't necessarily change our approach; a loss is a loss whether expected or unexpected, but we express to group members it's hard no matter how you lost your person," Steinbugl said.
"As far as activities go with kids, we want to give an outlet to talk about memories and share stories. There's definitely more trauma with unexpected loss, so we just let them know they're not alone and let them make connections," she said.
Participants typically progress well through the program as they become equipped with the tools to heal, Bilka said, though recovery isn't linear and sometimes wounds can reopen, particularly around birthdays, holidays and other special occasions.
"Those periods are always tough times," he said. "We talk about, 'How are you going to get through it?'"
The Healing Patch has programs geared toward adults, too, Bilka said, and sometimes the discussions are intense.
"There are nights when I leave there ... It's very emotional," he said.
As participants progress, he can see that the program works.
"You can see people moving through stages, and they get a little better," he said.
Mirror Staff Writer Andrew Mollenauer is at 814-946-7428.