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I am going to tell you a story involving cherry tomatoes and the Dudley Moore classic comedy "Arthur," and it's all going to make sense to you in the end. And since this is February -- the month that has Valentine's Day -- there's even some romance thrown in for good measure.
It started with me hearing the song "Arthur's Theme" by Christopher Cross on the radio one night. It reminded me of the movie I saw in 11th grade with a girl named Sue, who at the time was just one of the prettiest girls to ever go out on a date with me. It wasn't a friend date, to me. I really liked her, but it ended up being a friend date, to her.
It was our one-and-only date, but that was fine.
I picked her up. We went to the movie. I took her home and got a kiss good night. In my mind, it ranked right up there with the Jets beating the Colts in Super Bowl IV and North Carolina State knocking off Houston for the NCAA title in men's basketball in 1983.
The thing was, I only had a learner's permit at the time, but I drove the car without a licensed driver in the car, which means that I broke the law. Me, the son of a policeman and an extremely Italian-Catholic mother, broke the law. My sister loaned me her car, so technically, she could have been charged, too.
But I had to break the law. You can't pick up a girl on a date in 11th grade with your parents or a sister driving the car. I can't remember why my parents weren't home, and I don't know how I schmoozed my sister into letting me drive her car, but I did, and I got away with it, until now.
If you knew what Sue looked like, you would understand. If you saw what I looked like in 11th grade, you would not understand.
We were supposed to go to dinner at Pizza Hut, but I canceled that part because I was worried about being out with the car in addition to going to a movie. More time out meant more chances of possibly getting pulled over.
I was also worried about things like ordering a salad, getting cherry tomatoes put on it (which I love), biting into one and squirting it all over my date's outfit. If I ordered just pizza, I was terrified I would drip cheese and sauce all over my clothes. I worried a lot back then.
Still do.
So no dinner ended up being a good thing. Picked her up. Went to the movie at the Park Hills Plaza, then took her home, never to go out with her again. But … it still looked good on my resume for the rest of my junior and senior year. People would ask "Did you really go out with ..." and I would reply "Why, yes, I did!" And with no social media back then -- which would have captured live footage of the date -- being seen out in public was all I had.
But I should have just waited for my wife to show up on July 11, 1992 -- which is when I met her -- and spared my heart all those "Growing Pains" and "Love Hurts" stories that started with puberty in the 1970s.
Ann Marie and I were destined for each other, and you know how I know? Proof. I've got proof.
For instance:
n We used to go to the same dentist in Altoona growing up. Dr. Maruca's office was right next door to City Hall where my father worked. Her dad was not a policeman, and yet … we went to the same dentist. There were a lot of dentists in Blair County, but she went to the same one I did. We never bumped into each other, but still, we were in the same building.
n My brother, John, did his student teaching at Frankstown Elementary where Ann Marie attended. Of all the elementary schools in Blair County he could have been put in by IUP, he was put in the same school where my future wife was a student.
n Her grandfather, Earl, used to make fun of Italians all the time while Ann Marie was growing up. For those of you who know my heritage, I have made fun of Italians all my life, too. Of course, being full-blooded, I'm allowed and he wasn't, but that's for another column.
With that said, I have to stop listening to '80s music on Pandora. Who knows what song will trigger a memory that may or may not get me in trouble with my monthly column -- or maybe some other girlfriend from my past?