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I am alone.
Check that, I am still happily married to the former Ann Marie Kuhn, but I am still alone.
OK ... I have two dogs, two cats, two geckos and one rabbit, but my children have abandoned me, and I'm only 55. They're not supposed to blow me off until I get into my golden years ... at least that is what Hollywood has led me to believe on film and TV.
You see, they don't want to hang out with me anymore. And I'm one of those weird dads who enjoys having his family around. Now I'm not talking about seven days a week because ... I'll be honest ... sometimes even I am a little too much to take on a daily basis.
Mrs. Franco made the promise on our wedding day back in 1994, but all four of my kids say there is no proof of documents or audio recordings saying they have to be with dear old dad.
When I was in high school and college, I wanted to hang out with my parents. They used to go to the Buccinese Club or the Sons of Italy, but usually they did so without me. I like bocce, I like playing the jukebox and filling out football slips, but too many times, I was left at home.
I tried to get them to hang out with me, too. In high school, I was sometimes in charge of getting chaperones for the high school dances at Bishop Guilfoyle, but my dad worked 4 p.m. to midnight, and my mom did not have a car, so she was out, too. I used to have friends and schoolmates who begged me to not ask their parents to chaperone.
I wanted mine there because I wanted them to see how I operated among the ladies. Just ask ... the freshman class adored me my senior year.
My daughters have semi-good excuses … one lives in Pittsburgh, works in a hospital with crazy hours and an even crazier work schedule, and has her horse nearby that provides more comfort than my daily dose of bad-dad jokes. I tried to convince her that we have hospitals around here, and God knows we have farms with horses around here … but evidently Pittsburgh is way cooler than Blair County. How? Why?
My other daughter moved into her own apartment nearby, only minutes away, and we do see her on laundry day, but not every day. Just recently, she fell ill to a stomach bug, which I thought was my big chance to do my dad thing. I thought I could get her to give up the apartment and move back home so that we could take care of her. Turns out she toughed it out and got better.
My wife was relieved. My sons were relieved. I was not.
I also found out their mother is giving them advice on how to survive out in the world on their own. How does that help me? And how about Ann Marie going behind my back doing that whole parental guidance thing?
My sons are just as guilty. I tried to bribe them with dinner at a local eatery on the weekend … my treat. No thanks, they say. Last year, Dominic and Maggie and I went to an establishment to watch the Dolphins-Rams game on TV.
Vincent was being his usual thrifty self. He asked if he could come for the food, then leave when he was done eating. He didn't want to watch the game. I said no back then, but I would kill for his con-artist persona now.
For doing chores around the house, I give the boys $20 a week each for an allowance until their summer jobs kick in. Nothing. Absolutely no guilt whatsoever. They still go hang out with their friends.
My mother would be disappointed. She taught me better. Her guilt was laid on in small increments until it worked.
My wife thinks their allowance is too much. My best friend was shocked when he heard how much I was giving them. He says it's way too much. He calls me Joe Biden now. Wow! I really can't win this one, can I?
Mirror Sports Writer Scott Franco writes a monthly column for the Mirror. He can be reached at sfranco@altoonamirror.com.