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Christmas, like all the other holidays since March, will be celebrated differently, so if there's less mirth in your ho-ho-ho it's OK -- you're not alone, local mental health, grief and religious officials said.
In some Christian faith traditions a "blue Christmas service" is a more low-key and subdued service designed to comfort those who grieve, said Sarah Rosser-Olivieri, director of Youth Ministry at Hollidaysburg First United Methodist Church.
"It's a service we have separate from the Christmas Eve or cantata services. It's focused around individuals with depression, anxiety or those who have lost a loved one no matter how recent or long ago. It's for anyone who struggles around the holidays. The purpose of the service is to offer hope."
At Juniata United Methodist Church, Pastor Julia Piper recorded a Christmas Eve service titled "Opening the Gift of Christmas" that is available on Facebook. In it, she said she recalls how in the Old Testament, the prophet Isaiah speaks "words of hope to God's people," even as they strayed from God and worshipped idols.
Then, Piper recalled how Mary and Joseph were "waiting for the day when they would fully become husband and wife and have children. … I am sure they were anticipating a different pathway. However, both Mary and Joseph were told by the angel Gabriel, 'Do not fear.' They both trusted God and continued their journey faithfully. In response, we are given the gift of the Christ child. The gift of 'Christ'-mas."
She continued: "Today, Blue Christmas applies to most of us who follow Christ. With the pandemic, we are missing worship in the sanctuary. We are grieving the opportunity to say 'Merry Christmas' and give each other hugs. Furthermore, we grieve the opportunity to light candles (representing that we are to carry God's light into the world) and sing 'Silent Night' beside one another."
Healing Patch Coordinator Melody Ray said many people this Christmas are grieving a variety of losses. Many are mourning the death of a loved one, but others also grieve for lost jobs, lost visits from family members and the loss of a typical senior high school year.
"We, as a society, right now are grieving. We aren't seeing people face-to-face, and we are grieving the loss of our routines," Ray said.
Rosser-Olivieri said it's important to acknowledge one's feelings without judgment.
"Give yourself permission not to be so happy. Don't feel guilty if you don't feel especially happy at Christmas. It's important not to suppress those feelings."
She suffered a miscarriage in January and has experienced "a tangled web of emotions" as this would have been a year of many "firsts" for her family.
So when her due date came in August, the family acknowledged the date by having a few loved ones over for a pool celebration -- to acknowledge the date's significance and recognize the loss of future birthdays that would have been celebrated poolside.
As the fourth generation of her family to worship at Hollidaysburg's First United Methodist Church, she remembers that Jesus came for all people, but especially for those who are "sick, hurting and broken," the people who attend a Blue Christmas service. Unfortunately, a Blue Christmas worship service wasn't held this year, but its purpose remains -- to recognize that "it's OK not to feel all holly-jolly," she said.
"Too often, people feel pressured to put up a good front at Christmas. But it's important to remember that Christmas and holidays are a very stressful and emotional time for people. Some people have mental health issues or have strained relations with family members. In this service, the focus is more on having hope ... it offers healing and comfort."
Piper said, "God assures us through the Word that we do not need to fear because God is always with us. We have a reason to live in hope, peace, joy and love. History reveals to us that nothing is impossible with God. God's plan of salvation carries us through yesterday, today and tomorrow. Our prayer is that Christmas Eve services (and a typical "Blue Christmas" service) brings the gifts of hope, comfort, peace, joy and love to all people."
visit: www.homenursingagency.com/LightsOfLove/images/Keep-the-Light-On-2020.pdf
If someone you know or love is grieving, Melody Ray, Healing Patch coordinator, offers these ways to help:
Show up.
≥"Don't just say, 'if you need something, call me.' Grief is overwhelming and people don't want to be a bother. So, continue to call and text to offer support."
Validate their feelings:
≥ "Allow them to express their feelings. Be present. It's more than just trying to cheer them up and it's important to avoid phrases like, "he's in a better place" or telling them "it's time to move forward."
≥ Talk about the lost loved one and say their name. "You won't upset them by mentioning the person. If you knew the person, talk about what you liked about them or the impact the person had on others."
≥ Understand that grief ebbs and flows and "grief bursts" are often triggered by a Christmas tradition, a smell or a song for years after the death.
≥ Know that no matter how difficult and painful a situation is, feelings are temporary and will change.
For more information on how to manage the holidays while grieving, visit: https://www.homenursingagency.com/LightsOfLove/images/Keep-the-Light-On-2020.pdf
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