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About three weeks ago, I was relaxing on the couch watching TV when my wife cheerfully bounced into the room and announced we needed to get the decorations out of the attic because it was time to start decorating for Christmas.
Now, we have been married for 58 years, so this was no surprise. It is just that in all that time, I never mentioned decorating because I truly hoped one year she might just forget, but no such luck. I will not deny that she does a great job of decorating and her work makes the house look beautiful. She doesn't just decorate every nook and cranny, she somehow seems to find new nooks and crannies to decorate each year.
The next day found me in the attic preparing to move boxes and boxes of decorations out the attic door. As I sat on the floor, I felt like a man on Omaha Beach looking over all of the material needed for the D-Day invasion during World War II, wondering how he could ever handle everything.
Suddenly, as if right on cue, my wife's lovely head popped through the door as she said, "Ok, what's the plan? Let's get going, a lot of work to do."
Putting on my best fake smile, I responded, "I was thinking we could do something different this year, like just decorating the attic. We could put up the tree, hang the wreaths and put the nativity scene right over there by the chimney and I have an extra circuit up here for all the lights.
"If I tie the curtains back on the attic windows, everything will be visible from the street so there will be no need to decorate the outside of the house. Also, it eliminates lugging all the boxes down the stairs. It is like a two-for-one sale, buy one and get one free.
"After Christmas, all we have to do is turn out the lights and close the door. We will avoid all of that after Christmas clean-up mess we go through every year. No more vacuuming plastic pine needles until mid-April and no more stepping on those nasty little wires you use to hang the ornaments on the tree."
I could tell by the look on her face and the fact that she said, "NO," under her breath that the chances were pretty good she was not buying into this suggestion, and I needed to make the offer more attractive.
"Well, think about this," I quickly added. "Next year, all we would have to do to decorate for the holidays is simply open the attic door, pull back the attic curtains and turn on the light switch. Voila, we are all done."
Needless to say, my plan was as popular as the proverbial lead balloon and I spent the next several hours carrying boxes to strategic locations around the house, according to my wife's directions. It seems as if she has a master plan when it comes to decorating, similar to a master chef when preparing a special meal. Everything has to be on hand and in the right place before the actual performance. I, on the other hand, take on the role of the unseen but critically important Chef's Assistant who remains in the background and runs to the store for more batteries, strings of lights or extra extension cords as needed.
As I write this column, the house is fully decorated and I must admit, even the North Pole would be envious. My wife has met the challenge of decorating for Christmas and I am proud to say she is victorious. But just when I thought the preparation was complete and I could hit the couch, she announced, "I need you to stick around the house tomorrow because I will be making Christmas cookies and fudge and I may need you to run to the store if I am short on anything."
John Kasun writes from his home in Duncansville, where he just learned of Gov. Tom Wolf's recent proclamation stating: "In the event of a snowstorm, citizens are limited to three snowmen per household, all of which must be wearing masks and positioned no closer than 6 feet apart." A Merry and blessed Christmas from the Kasuns.