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There is some great concern for me up here in the Mirror newsroom, and it has nothing to do with the global pandemic.
You see, some of my friends and co-workers have noticed something about me and I cannot ignore it anymore -- I have been dressing up for work.
But there's a reason. There's always a reason, especially when you have to write a humor column once every four weeks, and thank God for my friends and coworkers who listen to my stories and then say stuff like "Yeah, that should tick off your wife and kids this month." So, here is my monthly contribution for your entertainment.
Because my wife decided it would be good for my sons to learn how to do laundry for themselves, she chose this summer to do just that because the world was not nuts enough without a couple of 17-year-olds learning what the spin cycle is all about.
Anyway, back to my wardrobe. Because I go for a 2-mile walk seven days a week, I need plenty of athletic shorts and T-shirts, but I keep running out by the end of the week. What hurts me is that athletic shorts and T-shirts is what I wear to work.
Mind you, I'm not scruffy when I go to work. I have matching T-shirts that go with my outfits. And because you read the word "outfit" just now from a 55-year-old guy, therein lies one of the many problems with me.
But since Mrs. Franco now only does laundry for the two of us, it doesn't get done every other day like it did when she incorporated the laundry needs of teenage boys who work part-time cleaning out a barn as well as attending football camp three days a week.
Let's just say that there have been several times where I've gone to the store to buy more clothes because the hamper was not filled to capacity for her liking. She has told our sons to throw in a few items for dear old dad, but they usually forget. Maybe they're afraid that my 3X- to 4X-size clothing will overwhelm their clothes, or maybe they think their latest fashions will become a fashion faux pax while getting washed with mine.
So, because I run low on clothes, I've had to wear shirts with buttons and dress shorts to work at night. One co-worker was filled with much consternation until I explained my dilemma. Maybe she thought I was interviewing for another job, but the Mirror is my life. I was touched, and because I was not wearing my usual "Back To The Future: Flux Capacitor" shirt, she was worried. I can't imagine what some of them were thinking when they saw me with a collared shirt.
At this point, you might be saying "Do your own laundry Scotty, boy!"
Not an option.
I am not allowed to do my own laundry. The Mrs. will not allow it. What gets me is that I am allowed to drive our two cars, but I am not allowed to operate a washing machine that is at least 17 years old and costs way less than the two cars.
Laundry is simple. There are colors and there are whites. Whites get hot water. Colors, cold. Not in my wife's world. We have greens, blues, reds, maroons, orange, aqua, etc., etc. We even wash towels separately! Put them all together, is what my mother used to do. What's wrong with that?
But the good news from all of this is that my two sons will make fabulous husbands some day, who will know how to help out in their marriage by spending some time in the laundry room. I just hope I'll be able to attend, but with my luck, I'll probably be late getting out of the department store with a pack of underwear and a new dress shirt.