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There are plenty of things that I do in life that would drive anyone crazy, and they have driven my wife crazy for the good part of our 24 years together. But this time, she is the cause of my nuttiness for certain.
The thing is, you cannot tell me something or show me something and expect me to NOT overreact. In my 51 years on this earth, there are leaders and followers, and not everyone can be a leader. I love being a follower, and that is what happened in this case. She was telling me to do something, and I blindly followed. Always have. Always will.
Ann Marie is always reading something on the Internet -- mostly because her cellphone has become an appendage -- and one day, she just happened to point out a story, listing five things that will kill you if you eat them. They were Pop Tarts, M&Ms, Cheetos and Fruit Rollups. I was so terrified from that -- because I knew those four things were in our cupboard as she read me the list -- that I could not even remember the fifth item. UGH!
Over the next 24 hours, I simply began to throw those items into the garbage behind my kids' backs. That was this past summer and I have yet to purchase them since. What worries me even more -- and you know what a worrier I am -- is that I still cannot remember the fifth item. Ann Marie doesn't remember it either because she just brushes off things like that. So why tell me?
It isn't just this past summer, either. A few years into our marriage, there was a piece on CNN about drinking a glass of red wine a day being good for your heart. I bought into it, and I almost bought a bottle of wine that day. But, you know what? I remembered we received a bottle of wine for a wedding present. I went looking for it in our apartment, found it and opened it. I felt like I did a good thing. I was wrong.
How was I supposed to know that my wife wanted to save that bottle for something special -- like our 10-year wedding anniversary? What made her even more mad? I didn't even like the taste of the wine, but because it was good for me, I drank it … over a period of two years.
Wait, there's more.
I can't remember the name of this product, but it was a carbonated fruit soda that was sugarless and absolutely delicious. After purchasing a case of it, my niece told me it contained an ingredient that will lead to dire consequences. And even worse, Kimmy would not name the consequences!
And one more.
I love Diet Pepsi, but my mother-in-law told me about the ingredient Aspartame that is terrible for your joints. And yes, of course, it was in my beloved Diet Pepsi.
Why is my family trying to ruin my life?
Thankfully, within the last two years, Aspartame is no longer a part of the ingredient list in Diet Pepsi. Sorry, Trish.
Now I love my family, and I want them to keep reading my columns, keep inviting me to their homes and keep buying my kids holiday and birthday presents (what a shameless plug). But, I just don't want them to talk to me about anything involving food or drink.
Scott Franco is a member of the Mirror sports staff, a husband and a father of four. He can be reached at 946-7528 or sfranco@altoonamirror.com.