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Baseball statistics have gone over top

OK, I watch too much ESPN.

However, sometime between another Geico commercial and recent promos for the 78th Yankees-Red Sox game on Sunday Night Baseball, I must have dozed off only to wake up in a different galaxy — a galaxy dominated by a group named the Elias Sports Bureau and the friendly sounding folks from Fangraphs.

Did you know that at one point Pirates first baseman Josh Bell had homered in his first at bat, every other Tuesday, since June 15? And the only other players to have such a remarkable stretch are the Toy Cannon, Jimmy Wynn, and the late Gary Carter?

Can you believe it? Neither can I.

Here’s another gem you can bring up during dinner to impress the heck out of your spouse: Yankees pitchers have not allowed an earned run against any teams with an OPS under .300, whose team batting average is above .242 since May 13.

I should have told you to be sitting before reading this. Something must have happened while I nodded off where someone in a suit in a New York City board room decided that we have a hunger for this information.

Personally I miss the old ESPN guys like Tom Mees, who gave me tons of highlights, made me laugh a little bit and updated me on how many games my Mets were out of first place.

Now we’re also lucky enough to have sabermetrics. We have exit velocity, spin ratio, WAR, slugging percentage, OPS and OBF, THG and FRU (OK, I made the last two up, but you get my point).

Who invented all this? Who is interested in all this?

I may be wrong since I am of the advanced age of 54. However, I’ve yet to walk by the water cooler to hear Bob tell Joanne:

“Hey did you catch that home run by Aaron Judge last night?”

“Yeah, how about that 114 MPH exit velocity?”

I’m sure Bob was so impressed by the knowledge he immediately sought a phone number.

My point is simple: None of us need or care about this junk. I don’t want my wife asking Alexa whose WAR is higher, Mike Trout or Cody Bellinger.

Face it, Google owns us. We spend too much time watching cat videos when we should be working. We spend hours tracking down useless information and then claim we’re too busy for a half hour of exercise.

Now, please get off my lawn.

Jeff Bartlett

Altoona