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‘It shouldn’t be that difficult’

More than a year ago, my wife and I decided to upgrade our kitchen, or to be more accurate, I should say I mistakenly agreed with my wife that the kitchen needed to be updated.

Now to some people, upgrading a kitchen might be a simple case of buying a new table cloth, new curtains, applying a coat of paint, or in extreme cases, changing the cabinet hardware. My wife assured me that, “It shouldn’t be that difficult.”

I am not sure if I actually believed her or was simply hoping she was right. Suddenly, our home was filled with kitchen design books containing articles pointing out the dangers of an out-of-date kitchen, which not only decreases the value of your home, but why it is detrimental to your health not to have the latest black stainless appliances, hardwood floors, granite countertops and LED lighting. By today’s standards, my old kitchen was a pandemic before pandemics were cool. Looking back, I should have left everything as it was and just worn a mask — it would have been cheaper and a lot less work.

In any event, early this year I found myself tearing out what seemed to me to be a perfectly good kitchen. What I had hoped would be a minor do-over turned out to resemble something closer to a major bombing mission by the U.S. Air Force. Everything went, including perfectly good appliances, custom made cabinets, imported tile floors, a backsplash and perfectly good countertops. The place was gutted.

The only thing left to do was put a new kitchen in place and my wife assured me, “It shouldn’t be that difficult.”

Just as I was wrapping up the demo work, I was suddenly rushed to the hospital with an internal hemorrhage, (non-kitchen related), requiring emergency surgery and a two-week hospital stay during which time the COVID-19 pandemic hit and everything shut down.

Suddenly our appliances, which had been ordered and paid for, were locked up in some dark warehouse, the kitchen cabinets were under construction but the cabinet maker had to close down out of concern for his employees. Stone countertop facilities were locked down tighter than a drum and although we had our flooring material, the installer had some medical issues as well so the material was piled in the dining room.

The house was in complete disarray and the entire kitchen update was on hold until further notice. For about three months, we ate off of paper plates using plastic forks, spoons and cups. Thank goodness we had a small microwave and an induction cooking plate a neighbor had loaned us or I would have been forced to build a fire on the kitchen floor to get any hot food.

It was quite an ordeal and not nearly as much fun as camping, but slowly things have started to return to semi-normal. New floors have been installed in the kitchen and dining room, most of the cabinets are in place and half the appliances finally got delivered.

The next greatest obstacle was finding the right granite countertop. To say it was a struggle is an understatement. I put so many miles on my car driving around looking at granite samples, I had to change the oil weekly and wore out a set of tires. After weeks of looking, it occurred to me that we are looking for the perfect “rock.” If you notice how many rocks there are in the world, even God must have had trouble getting it right, and if he had trouble, what chance did we have?

Just yesterday my wife found the perfect two pieces of granite for the countertops, and installation is scheduled shortly.

I wouldn’t say I was frustrated, but I was close to nailing a piece of plywood to the cabinets for a countertop and spraying them with camo paint just to move on.

In any event, it appears as if this kitchen project might finally come to an end after almost four months of total disorganization and inconvenience, with cooking utensils stored in cardboard boxes in the garage and no idea where the salt and pepper is. Add to that having no water in the kitchen, and you soon want to strangle every kitchen design book editor on earth.

I must admit that I was overjoyed when my wife found the granite for the kitchen countertops, but that joy was short lived. As we turned to leave after sealing the deal, she spotted another piece of granite and with her eyes twinkling said, “That piece would be lovely in our main bath on the vanity. All we will have to do is tear out the old countertop.” Then she added the words that always give me cold chills: “It shouldn’t be that difficult.”

John Kasun writes from his home in Duncansville, where he claims he puts things on a list for his wife’s next husband just in case he doesn’t get everything done.

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