Pittsburgh, caroling just go together

PITTSBURGH — It’s the most wonderful time of the year, filled with great traditions — overeating, overspending and cursing those made-in-China lights that don’t work.

The other custom is to gather the family ’round the fake fireplace for a group sing of the annual holiday song parodies. Once again, inspiration is credited to Mad magazine, Allan Sherman and “Cordic & Company,” the official radio show of Olde Frothingslosh, the pale stale ale with the foam on the bottom.

Find a key that’s comfortable, and sing them loud and proud. And have yourself a merry little Christmas.

n n n

The story of the season for the Steelers was the absence of Le’Veon Bell. He turned down a contract in excess of $14 million and will now apparently test the free agent market.

To the tune of “Jingle Bells.”

Where is Bell?

What the hell?

Threw that cash away.

Le’Veon’s big holdout,

He didn’t want to play.

Hey!

Flushed it all,

No football.

It’s all me-me-me.

Hope he had a real good time

Riding his jet ski.

n n n

It’s a tradition within a tradition — the year in Pittsburgh sports set to the tune of “Deck The Hall.” As usual, it’s three stanzas of doggerel per pro team, and we start with the Penguins.

Three-peat wasn’t in the cards,

Fa la la la la la la la la

No Cup visits to back yards.

Fa la la la la la la la la

Washington was just too tough.

Fa la la la la la la la la

Caps had heart, no more cream puff.

Fa la la la la la la la la

Flower left, he had to go,

Fa la la la la la la la la

Missed him much, he’s such a pro.

Fa la la la la la la la la

Found a home out in the west,

Fa la la la la la la la la

Vegas fans were quite impressed.

Fa la la la la la la la la.

Window’s closing, could be scary.

Fa la la la la la la la la.

Was falling short just momentary?

Fa la la la la la la la la

Sid’s no kid, now 32.

Fa la la la la la la la la

Can the captain still come through?

Fa la la la la la la la la

(To the Steelers)

Bell held out, offer rebuffed.

Fa la la la la la la la la

Fourteen million? Not enough.

Fa la la la la la la la la

Stayed away, no bumps and bruises

Fa la la la la la la la la

His odd logic just confuses.

Fa la la la la la la la la

Twitter is so uninspired

Fa la la la la la la la la

Tweeters want Mike Tomlin fired

Fa la la la la la la la la

He’s never had a losing season

Fa la la la la la la la la

At least invent a valid reason.

Fa la la la la la la la la

Super Bowl’s the expectation

Fa la la la la la la la la

Real tough crowd, the Steelers Nation

Fa la la la la la la la la

Too much stress to have much fun

Fa la la la la la la la la

Even Rocky Bleier’s done

Fa la la la la la la la la

(And the Pirates)

Pirates started in the snow

Fa la la la la la la la la

Pittsburgh looked like Buffalo

Fa la la la la la la la la

Team was hot despite the deep freeze

Fa la la la la la la la la

Turned out that was just a tease

Fa la la la la la la la la

Power needed, how ’bout Josh Bell?

Fa la la la la la la la la

Home run total really fell.

Fa la la la la la la la la

Have to back the pitching staff

Fa la la la la la la la la

Score more runs on their behalf

Fa la la la la la la la la

Marte benched for lack of hustle

Fa la la la la la la la la

Last year it was steroid muscles

Fa la la la la la la la la

Lots of talent, drives Clint crazy

Fa la la la la la la la la

Has no business playing lazy

Fa la la la la la la la la

n n n

The Supreme Court legalized sports betting. Just in time for Christmas, the Rivers Casino, practically in the shadow of Heinz Field, opened a sports book.

To the tune of “My Favorite Things”

Point spreads and parlays, the over and under.

Betting my pay check, I hope I don’t blunder.

Who knows what upsets the weekend might bring,

Action’s a gambler’s favorite thing.

Groceries at risk, and so are the kids’ shoes.

Not going home if the L-A Rams lose.

Losses could be so devastating,

This is a gambler’s most-dreaded thing.

Adrenalin rush comes with money at stake.

He missed a chip shot? I can’t catch a break.

Making me crazy, a fast 10-point swing,

This is a gambler’s most stressful thing.

Humans are flawed, I need no reminder.

Wife got a U-Haul, I can’t seem to find her.

What kind of changes would bankruptcy bring?

This is a gambler’s frightening thing.

Mehno can be reached at johnmehnocolumn@gmail.com

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