PITTSBURGH - When Major League Baseball reviews its first year of replay, it will reach several conclusions:
n The process takes too long and there are still incorrect calls. But the biggest point will be the one that has dollar signs attached: They're passing up chances to make money on replay.
When every bit of minutiae on a baseball broadcast comes with a commercial, how can they justify letting replay exist without revenue streams? On Pirates radio broadcasts, the time of the first pitch and temperature come with a sponsor's announcement.
So now you have replay, which always has the rapt attention of fans in the park as well as the TV audience. Do you let some dumpy guy in khakis and a windbreaker hand the headsets to the umpires? That's a job for a Hooters waitress.
n Are they listening on headsets, or are they using the Shure BRH440M, The Official Headset of MLB Replay? Are the umpires back at the command center in New York looking at screens, or are they watching the Toshiba 55VX700U HD Monitors?
n Couldn't the umpires on the field be supplied with tablets? The Apple iPad Air would be perfect. Bulova could be the official timekeeper of replay delays.
n Isn't a replay deliberation the ideal time for fans to think about having a fresh Coca Cola, The Official Replay Refreshment of MLB? Those poor umpires trapped on duty in the control room work a long shift, so it could be catered by The Olive Garden.
If nothing else, the beleaguered umpires who are about to have a call overturned in front of 40,000 people would appreciate the visit from the Hooters girl.
Having a party
Old-timers who long for the days when the All-Star game was fiercely contested should consign that to the memory banks with Sunday doubleheaders and pitchers completing games.
It's a new day, and the All-Star game is a social event/union meeting for the players.
Pete Rose once ran over Ray Fosse to score the winning run. Today, those circumstances would result in a man hug and jersey swap between the two players.
No gifts needed
According to Baseball-Reference.com, Derek Jeter has been paid $265,159,364 in his 20 seasons with the Yankees. According to Page 6 of the New York Post, Jeter has been involved romantically with Minka Kelly, Jessicas Biel and Alba, and most of the models who have walked a runway in New York.
And we're supposed to feel sad because he's not going to play baseball any more?
Incredibly, teams are buying Jeter gifts as he makes his final tour of the ballparks. The Astros gave him pinstriped cowboy boots. The Angels provided a paddle board. The Brewers presented him with a golf trip. The Indians had a pinstriped guitar custom made.
How about a montage of highlights on the video board and a round of applause?
If Jeter needs anything else, he can buy it. (And here's guessing he won't be seen much in those pinstriped boots).
On the spot
Baseball proceeds at a slow pace, so there's plenty of time for diversions. There's an enormous amount of down time when a game slogs along through three hours and 46 minutes, as the Rockies and Pirates did on Friday.
But that's still no excuse for having an in-game interview with a 5-year-old girl who had just been handed a foul ball. Mind you, she didn't catch it. It was given to her.
In-game reporter Robbie Incmikoski was dispatched to confirm that she was having a fine time at the game.
Mehno can be reached at email@example.com