I am sure you have heard the old joke about the guy who says he and his wife have been happily married for eight years.
You might think that is a pretty good track record until you learn they have actually been married for 22 years, and in his mind only eight of them were happy.
On Monday, my wife and I will celebrate our 52nd wedding anniversary, so you might think I would have a lot of marriage jokes for this column. This is not the case.
I can think of a lot of funny things that have happened to us during our lives together, but no jokes and no regrets. We both had had some serious health issues over the past 18 months and have been in and out of the hospital so many times we have our own parking place.
One evening my wife asked, "If you would have known we would have so many medical issues at this stage in our lives, would you have still married me?"
"Yes," I replied without hesitation.
A smile crept over her face as I added, "However I would have taken out the extended warranty on your health insurance."
Suddenly a pillow came flying across the room.
My wife is an excellent cook, and the failures she has had in the kitchen during our marriage are few and far between, but well worth noting.
A classic occurred years ago when we were in the service and had invited some friends over to celebrate my buddy's birthday. He had requested a three-layered chocolate cake with extra icing.
Sandra spent the afternoon cooking and baking, but when it came time to ice the cake, it seemed as if the cake layers had a slight slant to them. She rearranged the layers several times, adding extra icing to the gaps in the layers and finally got it stabilized enough to get it to the table.
As we passed out the plates, forks and coffee, everyone's attention turned toward this huge cake. Just as my buddy raised the knife to cut the cake, it was almost like a sign from heaven. Two cracks slowly began to appear across the cake, and in slow motion the cake split into four pieces and the layers separated by the extra icing slowly slid apart and onto the table giving the appearance of a chocolate 12-car pile-up on an icing freeway.
A gasp came from our guest followed by dead silence. Seconds that seemed like hours passed before my wife, with dish still posed, said, "Ok, who wants a big piece?"
To be fair, I must mention the time I was late for a meeting, and as I headed out the door, my wife hit the garage door button raising the door to help speed me on my way.
Jumping into the car, my mind was racing with details for the meeting as I hit the garage door opener on the sun visor to open the door, which as you know, caused the open door to close just in time for me to back into it knocking it off the tracks.
My wife would have been totally justified yelling and screaming, but instead she simply said, "Better take my car."
Life is full of surprises, but you have to learn to laugh at them and at yourself. My wife and I are stopped often in public, and people make the same comment. Looking at me, they say, "We love your column," and turning to my wife they say, "We feel so sorry for you."
Trust me, from our end, it's not that bad. It's just funny. We enjoy being together.
As I said, tomorrow is our 52nd wedding anniversary. In those 52 years, the only fault I have found with my wife is her taste in men. I think she could have done better. I just hope she
doesn't find out.
As near as I can tell, the Ruby is the traditional gift for 52 years together, but I think I am going to stick with what works for us, a good laugh together.
Anyway, I really want to stick around and see if we can make 100 years together before I made a serious commitment.
John Kasun writes from his home in Duncansville.