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Sense of humor important at this moment

Commentary

January 6, 2013
By Shirley Grenoble , The Altoona Mirror

There are a couple dozen organizations that are well funded and determined to put a halt to hunting.

I enjoy reading their "love letters" as I sit by my fireplace and sometimes I actually laugh out loud.

They have some sure-fire tactics for discouraging hunters from pursuing the poor Bambis and a look at these suggestions by any hunter is to show how truly uneducated they are about deer.

For instance, they suggest to their volunteers that they go walking through the woods the day before deer season opens, playing a radio and walking a dog on a leash. This combination is supposed to make the wildlife wary of humans and even "drive it out of the county."

Well, wildlife has always been wary of dogs and human. Perhaps such a maneuver would make the deer wary of radios though. If you know anything about wildlife, you know it takes a near disaster to make wildlife "leave the country." They just hide and let the noisy fellow walk right on by or they might run 100 yards and stop, circling right back as soon as the intruder is gone.

Another hot tip is to locate duck blinds, archery stands etc. and plaster them with cow dung and rotten eggs. So the hunter is so irritated by the odor he will miss when he shoots.

I'd call that malicious mischief or vandalism myself. Besides being patently ridiculous, don't they know that when hunters go hunting for deer, especially in archery season, they plaster themselves and their surroundings with stuff that is much more odiferous than cow dung. In fact, many hunters deliberately step in cow patties on their way to the woods to disguise their own scent.

Now, how about this cutie?

"You can encourage game to break their regular habits by putting human hair clippings on deer trails shortly before deer season," they pontificate. Aside from my personal doubt that an anti-hunter has any idea what a deer trail even is, do they really think the smell of human hair is going to chase deer away? And where will the deer go? Some protected Mecca where there are no hunters? Where is such a place?

I have a bulletin for these people. Whitetail deer are used to human scent and have learned how to evade and circle hunters. The ploy could have one result however: the antis would die of exhaustion trying to spread hair on all the deer trails in this state.

Here's one that really appeals to me: "Before the season starts, walk through the woods at night playing a tape recording of wolf howls."

I doubt if the deer in our area have the slightest idea what a wolf howl sounds like.

It might keep a lot of hunters out of the woods though. Some greenhorn out in the woods at night marching around playing recordings would probably end up getting lost or hurt and then the hunters would have to do a search and rescue.

Another nifty idea according to the FRIENDS OF ANIMALS group is to take old stuffed animals into the woods and place them about in the woods. (Littering?) "Hunters will shoot at these stuffed animals," they say "and scare the deer away." Have you shot at any rubber ducks or teddy bears lately?

There's more but you get the idea. You and I have a good chuckle out of this but they are dead serious. They way I see it, what we have to do is persuade these antis to wait until the first day of buck season to go through their antics.

Let them walk around in the woods sprinkling hair and playing wolf howls. Then we could just wait by our favorite deer run and they'd drive that nice buck right into our lap.

Some years ago, their big bang was to arrive enmasse on the country roads before daylight on opening morning and when a hunter got out his car, they'd begin to bang pots and pans and ring bells and follow hunters into the woods making this racket.

Their hope with this devilish prank was that hunters would get angry enough to strike back in some way and then the TV cameras (by the way, they had alerted TV stations to be there) would record some boorish behavior by some hapless, annoyed hunter and they would of course air that and declare this is the way all hunters acted.

What they were doing, of course, was illegal and the law put a stop to the harassment but these organizations are still circulating this same silly advice to their members to this day.

Even as I write this, I have a mouse that is gnawing at something under my living room sofa . Sounds like a beaver to me so I'll have to go now and play my CD of wolf howls and sprinkle some hair around the room. I'll let you know how that turns out.

 
 
 

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