On Saturday mornings throughout the fall, ESPN occasionally runs a little segment called "Dr. Lou."
In it, Lou Holtz, Notre Dame coaching legend turned quirky analyst, offers advice to current coaches who call in about big games or tough situations.
Using his trademark blend of absent-minded professor and small-town Sunday School teacher, Holtz offers weird anecdotes and simple truths about discipline, trust, teamwork, loyalty and perseverance.
Of course, the segment is nothing more than a farce. Not because Holtz is so sappy, but because coaching has changed so much since Dr. Lou was at the helm in South Bend.
Today's big-time coaches clearly don't want a daily devotional: They want legal advice. They seem more likely to turn to Machiavelli or Bernie Madoff for guidance than Lou Holtz.
Texas Tech's Mike Leach. South Florida's Jim Leavitt. Kansas' Mark Mangino. All have been awhirl in scandal.
And then there is the saga of Pete Carroll and Lane Kiffin, the current headliner of this year's coaching soap opera.
In a move worthy of a Shakespearian villain, Kiffin, hench-coaches in tow, abandoned a rebuilding Tennessee after only one year to return to USC, where he was once an assistant coach. That left UT scrambling to cut its losses.
In many ways, of course, this is exactly what Tennessee deserved after its firing last year of successful longtime head coach Phil Fulmer.
And it certainly makes for great irony that Kiffin, who was already under NCAA suspicion at Tennessee, may be jumping out of the proverbial frying pan and into the fire in terms of sanctions. As slimy as it is, though, the story of Kiffin and Carroll cannot compete with the story of Rich Rodriguez, who foreshadowed current debacles when he left his alma mater West Virginia in 2007 for Michigan.
Rodriguez was a defensive back at WVU. His wife was a cheerleader. He often talked about how he wanted to forge a dynasty in Morgantown, to put down roots, to give back to the community. Apparently all that was contingent on a fatter offer.
No, Dr. Lou: Your beloved loyalty has little following these days. It's too quaint a virtue, too old-fashioned. And it doesn't pay nearly well enough.
There are still good guys in college football like Iowa's Kirk Ferentz, Virginia Tech's Frank Beamer and a throwback to Holtz's era like Joe Paterno.
But it is clear that the sport is sick, and that the prognosis is not good.
Not even Dr. Lou can save us now.
Steve Knepper, a Huntingdon County native and Juniata College graduate, currently teaches and studies at the University of Virginia.