Jeannine saved my life.
When I was a senior in high school, she took a chance and told a guidance counselor that something was very wrong. That same day, a friendly but stern stranger told me I might not make it to graduation day.
"You're killing yourself and you're going to succeed one of these days," she said.
I shrugged.
My seven-year bout with anorexia and bulimia began when I was a sophomore in high school with little fanfare and seemingly no real reason. On the outside, I must have seemed like the perfect girl.
I was ignoring all of the warning signs - yellowing, sensitive teeth, losing hair, bruising easily, constantly feeling cold and those horrible mood swings.
My running career declined rapidly. At a high school meet in New York City, I was so weak that I stumbled off of the track after completing a mediocre 800-meter run and collapsed on the floor, more embarrassed than concerned. The next year, from the constant pounding on a weakened body, I developed a hip injury that I still feel to this day.
Jeannine once again came to my rescue during my first year of college. She and a mutual friend visited for a fun birthday celebration. Before the night was over, there were tears and confessions and Jeannine once again saw what everyone else chose to ignore or plain couldn't see.
Part of that is my own fault. I hid things so well from my family, my friends, roommates, professors, coaches, absolutely everyone.
I went to a nutritionist, dietitian and therapist regularly for the remainder of that year and things began to look up. I was eating more and exercising less and even transferred schools for a fresh start.
I realize recovery may be a lifelong ordeal.
Not one meal takes place without playing with food or thinking bad thoughts. Buffets bring beads of sweat to my forehead and dinners with large groups make me incredibly uncomfortable.
It's so hard.
I've learned to start with one positive thought and one bite of food to go with it. Some days, it doesn't hurt so much. Some days, I don't even have to tell myself to eat.
I've learned that perfection doesn't exist - at least not in the places I once looked. Realizing that was the hardest lesson of my life and the bravest thing I've ever done.
According to the National Eating Disorders Association, about 10 million women and 1 million men are currently "fighting a life and death battle."
Now in recovery, I like to think that statistic signifies at least 11 million Jeannines that are out there, ready to take a chance and make a difference.
After years of silence, thinking I had lost her along with all of those pounds, Jeannine and I have reconnected and talk almost every day.
She recently said, "I love you. Always have, always will. It's as simple, and as complicated, as that."
A lot like an eating disorder.
For more information on eating disorders and what to do if you suspect you or someone you love may be suffering from one, visit www.nationaleatingdisorders.org or call the Information and Referral Helpline at 800-931-2237.
Staff Writer Wendy McCardle covers Bedford County and southern Blair County for the Mirror. She is at 946-7520.
