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My mistake

September 22, 2011 - John Mehno
I wrote in a recent column that MLB has no real pennant races.

Thanks to the stunning collapse of the Boston Red Sox (and a lesser fade by the Atlanta Braves), there are now some races for the respective wild card spots.

There was a time when the New York Yankees and Red Sox were competing just to see who would be No. 1 and 1A in the AL East/wild card race. But now, in shades of 1978, the Red Sox have fallen on hard times, allowing the Tampa Bay Rays to get in the wild card race.

In the National League, the Cardinals have finally put things together at the right time and have a chance to overtake the Braves for the wild card.

So there's a reason to do some scoreboard watching in the last two series of the MLB regular season.

Now, to a more pressing issue:

What idiot invented relish in squeeze bottles? I was at the Steelers game on Sunday, taking full advantage of the halftime hot dog buffet. Put the mustard on, no problem. The relish? It's a mess. Because it's Heinz Field, there are the company's condiments. Heinz relish is a fine product, but relish doesn't work in a squeeze bottle. You either get a giant glop of relish, or you get pickle juice drizzling out and ruining the whole hot dog/bun/mustard structure.

I assume squeeze relish addresses our national laziness and the distrust of kids with open jars. But it doesn't work. Maybe that's the idea -- unleash many giant glops of product, so you have to buy more. I'm cynical enough to believe that. I have the solution, though. Take a plastic knife, take the top off the bottle and use the knife to control the application of the relish. It's the only way to go.

 
 

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