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Intimate thoughts from your pet's diary

May 27, 2007 - Amy Jo Hanna

Thanks to my non-dog loving buddy, Erik, for passing along the following hysterical email! You're sure to enjoy the truthfulness whether you have a dog or cat: 

PET DIARIES

DOG DIARY:
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite
thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


CAT DIARY:
Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt
me with bizarre little dangling objects.  They dine
lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I
are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I
make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I
nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my
strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my
dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once
again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless
body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear
into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what
I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a "good little
hunter" I am.  Hmpfh.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices
tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the
duration of the event. However, I could  hear
the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
confinement was due to the power of "allergies."  I
must learn what this means, and how to use it
to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to
assassinate one of my  tormentors By weaving around
his feet as he was walking. I must try this again
tomorrow --but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are
flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special
privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be
more than willing to return.  He is obviously
retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him
communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain
that he reports my every move. My captors have
arranged protective custody for him in an elevated
cell, so he is safe. For now...

 
 
 

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