Decisions based on God’s word

Tales from the front pew

It’s that time again, folks. My list of TV and radio commercials that are annoying, ridiculous, and/or just make absolutely no sense. Here goes:

1. Parents Behaving Like Children. There’s a whole host of these.

I get the point, I really do. Parents need to be involved with their kids’ lives in a hands-on, participatory manner. However, parents also need to maintain a separation between adults and children.

The first of two commercials that immediately spring to mind involve a dad whose adorable little tot is playing dress-up, using him as the model.

This poor fellow is all decked out in a glittery tiara, fluffy pink boa and multi-colored nail polish. At precisely the most inopportune moment, the doorbell rings and, thanks to the family’s high-tech anti-intruder device — which I think is the point of the commercial — daddy and daughter see that the visitor standing on the front door stoop is a harmless looking middle-aged woman holding a pie or tuna noodle casserole, or something.

Now, here’s the truly crazy part; dad yells, “Come in!”

Perhaps I miss the point of those high-tech devices, but it seems to me this would be the ideal time to not say that, instead maybe lay low until the tuna noodle lady gives up and goes home. Just sayin’.

The second commercial features a mom and another adorable tot engaged in all sorts of outdoor play.

This includes swashbuckling, complete with pirate gear and plastic swords, and mom, decked out in a cardboard box with the word “Mombot” scrawled across it, waving her arms like the “Lost in Space” robot.

I repeat — spending time with children — good. Transforming yourself into one — goofy.

2. Learning a foreign language.

This radio commercial touts the benefits of a language-acquisition program. The weird thing is … everyone in the commercial speaks English.

I mean, couldn’t somebody at least say “Si” or “Oui”? Heck, I’d even settle for pig Latin.

3. Kathie Lee Gifford hawking a handyman service. She’s a nice lady, but, come on. Haven’t we seen/heard enough of her for a while? She used to sing about Princess Cruises. Perhaps she should take a nice, long one.

4. Shapewear. Granted, I’ve only seen this one on the internet so far. The commercial shows several hefty women smoothing some sort of full-torso girdle over their midsection to control and camouflage tummy bulge. It seems to work, too, but I can’t help wondering where all that fat goes. I have a feeling if I tried it, my head would explode.

5. Annoying Insurance Guy. This commercial has the “mayhem” guy who spends all his time wreaking havoc on unsuspecting motorists and homeowners.

If I want to watch someone create pointless chaos, I’ll go in the kitchen and cook dinner.

When it gets right down to it, all of these commercials have one goal — getting people to buy into something.

The Bible tells us it is a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path.

I don’t know about you, but I’ll make all of my decisions based upon God’s Word.