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Time to get sold out for God

Pretending to be someone you’re not rarely works out.

For one thing, it takes a considerable amount of lying. For another, it’s downright exhausting.

I started thinking about this the other night while watching a movie about hidden identities.

To offer a brief synopsis, the plot revolved around a wholesome family who owned a mom and pop sort of diner in a small town.

The couple (Tim and Monica) were youngish-middle age, the teenage son was a boyish mixture of charm and adolescent angst and the elementary school-aged daughter was precocious, which is apparently mandatory on TV and in movies.

Everything seemed to be going along at a decent pace until a couple of bad guys — you could tell they were “bad guys” because one of them had a nasty scar across his eye and the other one wore a perpetual glower — passing through town decided to stop at the diner for some meatloaf and the contents of the cash register.

Just when it looked like a bloodbath was about to commence, Tim went all ninja on the bad guys, kicking the weapons out of their hands and using one of the guns to shoot and kill both.

Needless to say, this was big news in the small town, and Tim was hailed as a reluctant hero on local and national news stations.

I use the word “reluctant” because the poor guy really didn’t seem very comfortable being the focus of all this attention.

Fast-forward to a few days later where it’s business-as-usual at the diner. “As usual” that is, until two more bad guys walk into the place. Considerably more polished than the first two thugs, these fellows wore dark suits and spoke in the oddly formal manner often adopted by TV and movie villains.

“Greetings, Joey,” one of them said to Tim. “It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance after hearing so much about you.”

“You have the wrong guy,” our hero told him. “My name is Tim, not Joey.”

The bad guys weren’t buying it, and for good reason. It turns out “Tim” wasn’t Tim at all, but instead a ruthless killer named “Joey the Slayer” — you’ve gotta hand it to those guys, they have catchy names. It seems “Joey the Slayer” had risen high in the ranks of organized crime before changing identities and becoming a family man, as opposed to a “Family” man, if you get my drift.

This led to more drama, with Tim/Joey eventually confessing to his wife that he wasn’t who she thought he was and their entire life together up to that point had been a lie.

Understandably, Monica was not happy about this revelation, in part because she thought she’d have to change her name to Mrs. Joey the Slayer. In the end, love conquered all, and the movie concluded with the Slayer family sitting around the dining room table eating meatloaf.

I love a happy ending.

Lots of folks pretend to be something they’re not, even Christians.

Are you Harriet Holy on Sunday and Wanda Worldly the rest of the week?

Perhaps it’s time to get sold out for God.

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